Monthly Archives: August 2014

The year of the horse

native american 2

Spirit guides seem frequently to adopt the archetype of a Native American, but I’d never communicated with one until a class early in 2014. And he was determined, because I became aware of him standing close behind my classmate as soon as we gathered – well before the task (to deliver a written message for another member) had even been set. The date was 8 February – one week after the start of the Chinese New Year, that year being the Year of the Horse.

A message for a classmate from his gatekeeper – 8 February 2014

Sister, I welcome your invitation – for my brother has many doubts and some fears. Most are unfounded but some are grounded in experience in this and other lifetimes. With my help and the help of my brothers and sisters in spirit who are here to assist, these doubts and fears will be overcome. They will become as dust upon the plains, thrown up by the hooves of horses as we thunder towards our future.

For he will ride with us upon the winds – strong, free, courageous and joyful. He has a warrior’s spirit and a poet’s heart. He feels with his whole being and sometimes this depth of feeling paralyses him. But he will come to know and accept that it is a strength. It gives his words and actions integrity that others value.

In this year of the horse we wish to assist him in leaping upon the unbroken stallion of his fears. We wish him to know that we are there beside him, lending him our will when his own falters, our belief when his own self doubt plays upon him. He is a master of his craft in his inner being, in his soul, and he can be this in actuality.

I will guard the door to spirit so that only those brothers and sisters who believe in his goodness, greatness and wisdom come through to assist.

Oh brother, let the spirit flow freely through you so that you ride with us across the plains of destiny as you once did and can again. I am your brother, your friend and your guardian. Ride with me, hold me close, know my name.





Someone looked up the meaning of my spirit guide Jy’s name (how come I never thought to do that?!) Here’s what the urban dictionary has to say:

Jy – used in Asia. It means “I support you!” or “I hope you do great!”. It is an abbreviation of “Jia You”.

He certainly does support me! Thanks Jy.

The next time he stepped forward, it was to write with me on a big topic – reincarnation – giving spirit’s perspective on the subject.

Reincarnation – Jy, 18 January 2014

This is Jy. As you know well, I am always here, ready to listen and to advise and to aid you, particularly around matters of writing. Why then have I stepped forward tonight? Am I the expert on reincarnation? This is puzzling, no? No – it is simple.

I am here as an interpreter, for there is much written about the subject of reincarnation in your world, is there not? Volumes and volumes of it, all purporting one thing or another, exploring what happens when you die, the choices you make or those made for you. Theories abound on the purpose for a between life time, when the soul may sit and ponder upon its actions in the last life…or alternatively when that soul is judged by beings greater than itself and held to account for its deeds, good or bad, in the last life.

Dependent upon which version you read or believe, upon which holds most sway in your heart and mind, you might consider each new life a reward or a punishment. The truth is, it is neither of these things.

You have free will. Without it, there would be no purpose to incarnating at all. And given that that free will applies at all times – when incarnated and when in spirit – how you choose to use your time between lives is as much your choice as how you choose to spend your time on earth.

Some souls do spend time resting, thinking of and doing nothing, while they recuperate from the stresses or even traumas of their last earthly life. Some throw themselves straight into the fray of reviewing that life, with the counsel of a wise teacher and mentor who can help them articulate what they have learned, what they failed to learn and what they wish to do next. Most opt for another life and the choice of learning further lessons. Some choose eternal rest. But it is always personal choice, taken of free will. Guidance is just that – guidance, not coercion and certainly not instruction.

Thus as each soul comes to an earthly life again, as it takes its first breath, it is in the body and the situation that the soul has agreed it would be. Those who most intimately surround it are part of that same negotiation – they have agreed to be part of the lesson – and in so doing are also learning themselves.

Your souls have contracts with each other that you are compelled to carry out – sometimes to the puzzlement and even frustration of the conscious mind, the human personality. This dichotomy is what gives rise to questions such as “why am I still with him/her?” “Why do I feel the way I do – he/she’s not my type?” “He/she irritates me and yet I love him so much. Why is that?” When your souls draw up the contracts, you are drawn together.

That is the mechanics, the process of reincarnation. But what is its purpose?

Its purpose is to satisfy your hunger, your curiosity. The soul is an eternally curious creature. It seeks to learn always, to grow, to change, to explore all there is to explore, to be all there is to be and thus eventually to arrive at a place where, in the completest of knowledge, it can make the proclamation: ‘here – this is what and who I am!’ That moment is reached by relatively few beings and those who do reach it rapidly realise that the journey is far more enjoyable than the destination. Not that Nirvana is unpleasant – on the contrary it is far too peaceful and serene to be anything other than relentlessly pleasant. But the soul which has had many an adventure while incarnated will often yearn again for the adventure. And then we teach; we guide; we mentor.

Reincarnation is the next chapter, the next adventure, the next experiment. It expands your souls, your consciousness. It enables you to see and to experience the world through your neighbour’s, or friend’s, or enemy’s eyes by becoming, in essence, that other person.

Reincarnation is the step by step, systematic unfolding of the soul’s journey from the bliss of ignorance to the ecstasy of enlightenment.

But do not hurry toward the end of your journey. Firstly, because it is very far away. But secondly, and more importantly, because you miss so much by rushing through life. There is always so much more to see, feel, smell, hear, than you are aware of in any and each moment.

One day, when you review your time on earth in this particular incarnation, you will realise that the joy you felt from the breeze in your hair, the beauty of a drop of dew on a leaf – that these things were as important and enriching as the most tangible of human attainments – the new job, the big win, the pay rise or the night out. Sometimes the memory of a smile will light your days for years and years and the love of laughter may be carried over into the next life. Such is the impression seemingly small incidents make.

So, savour every moment of this incarnation, however strange, or sad or sweet. Savour each moment, savour each encounter with another. Remember.

Reincarnation is a journey for the soul, the mind, the body and the spirit. Each will perceive it quite differently and respond to it differently but the whole will be enriched by the experience. Do not seek to control the process. Only your soul can have that say, between lives.

Trust not the man who claims to have the ‘definitive version’ of the reincarnatory experience – unless he is dead and speaking to you as your guide, from spirit. Anyone still in earthly incarnation can only put forth an opinion on what reincarnation is and does. The only definitive knowledge comes from death itself. And no-one is born into their next life with all their soul memory accessible. Some echoes may remain, to guide and sometimes to puzzle you. Certain elements may be recalled at a later date, perhaps during spiritual work. But essentially each life is lived afresh. Afresh and awash with new possibilities, new adventure.

Sally forth, my friends, on this your finest adventure. For the life you live now, in this moment, is always the finest. There is no better time than right now. When memories of previous lives surface, acknowledge them, examine why they have arisen at this time. They will be there to assist you in your present life in some way. There is no other reason to remember consciously. And having examined and concluded the purpose of the memory, move on. Do not dwell in the past – especially in the past life. For you are here to live the life you have now, to be the best version of the person you are now. Do not dwell in the past and do not hanker too much for the future. Let the adventure unfold as it will.

We all live many lives in many places. But the only one you need to concern yourself overly with is the you you are right now.

From the garden – a message for a friend


My first piece of writing with spirit in 2014 happened in the first few minutes of the new year. I’d elected not to go out, it was peaceful in my flat and it seemed a good time to attempt something about which I felt not a little trepidation. A very dear friend had a question of spirit, the answer to which I was going to attempt to provide by asking one of my friend’s guides to write through me.

I didn’t as yet give sittings outside my mediumship class and though I was used to giving other circle members messages, this felt like a whole new level of intimacy and responsibility. To say nothing of the fact that I was doing this remotely, without said friend being present to help bring in her guide. To add to the challenge, my friend’s question was all about her guides…did it matter that she didn’t know precisely who they were, their names, their histories? And was it the right time to embark, with them, upon the spiritual work she’d set her heart on? Oh heck.

But as I have frequently been told and frequently have to remind myself, working with spirit is all about trust – trusting myself not to get in the way and trusting spirit to get the message right. They did just that and with such love. My friend has kindly given permission for me to share her guide’s response here.

To N – 01 January 2014

Dearest one,

As I write with your friend the fireworks compete with the rain, just as humans forever pit themselves against the forces of nature. And by that I mean of nature in general, and their own natures, too.

It is a part of the human condition, the human experience – and an important, nay essential part at that – for you to rail against that which your instincts say is true, or habit, or just, or easy. You fight – and often you lose and sometimes you win. What you yourself recognise, but many do not, is that you often learn more in the losing than in the winning. Winning most often comes when all the lessons down that particular avenue of losings have been learned. Only then can your soul direct you to the correct choice and somehow the victory does not always bring the thrill you thought it would. It is a short-lived pleasure because, after all, the new challenge, the next curiosity, is far more engaging.

You may wonder what all this has to do with your question, but yes, it is pertinent. You are curious about the nature and identity of your guides, your helpers in spirit. You wonder who exactly we are, what are our names? Have we ever lived on your earth? Who were we and what did we do there? Did you ever know us in a previous life? What should you call us now, how should you envisage us? Your curiosity knows no bounds.

There is nothing wrong with curiosity. But I beg your indulgence for a while longer, my dearest. I beg you to ask yourself, if you were caught in a storm, without food or shelter, and a stranger emerged out of the gloom and offered you a supporting arm, an umbrella, if he led you to a warm shelter and cooked you a meal. If you knew from the start, instinctively, in your heart of hearts, that you could trust him, that he wanted nothing more than to comfort and assist and support you. If you knew that he was there only to supply what you needed to gain control of the situation for yourself and to give you the tools to move on under your own steam before he waved you goodbye and stepped back out into the night… If you knew all that, would the experience be any less meaningful for having never known his name, or what his profession was, or why he seemed so familiar, so safe? Yes, you would be curious, but would the encounter be any the less for that lack of facts?

We are many such ‘strangers’ – familiar for all that you do not know our names. Dear and beloved though you cannot recall how we came to be so. We appear when we are needed, we each have a role to play – specialisms, if you like, that can help you as you evolve in this life, as your wonderful path unfurls beneath your feet.

Call us what you will. Imagine us as you will. Create the story of our previous life or lives together if you wish to, as you will. For as a teacher once told you and as you will hear again and again in your journey with spirit, when you open your mind, please trust the thoughts and sounds and images that come. You know you were called Rafaelo in your life in Malta. How do you know? Because you were open to receive the sound of your name.

As you feel us draw close, single us out. Become accustomed to asking for whichever one of us specialises in what you wish to do at that moment. If you wish to heal, or learn of healing, call upon your healing guide, then meditate with an open mind in that guide’s presence. Ask that they show themselves to you, speak to you. You will hear their name in your mind, you will come to see them if you so wish. Trust the images you get. Trust the feelings and the gnowings, trust the physical sensations – the smells and the sounds and the colours. Develop your own lexicon as your friend spoke of developing hers – lexicons do not only consist of words.

In short, trust is the key to learning the details you so yearn for. The knowledge is all there – it is not hidden, but neither is it essential to the work and the journeying we do together. Do not let its lack become a barrier to the true achievements and harmony and fulfilment. Let the details, unimportant and yet we acknowledge tantalising, emerge naturally as the flower unfurls from the bud. They are but the fragrance, not the flower itself. And from the flower comes the fruit and the fruit provides the true sustenance.

As you relax into the work, into the journeying, the knowledge, the familiar details you yearn for, will come to you. It will be as if you brush the cobwebs away from your face and there, there is his or her beloved face before you! And of course you know their name! And that smile – how could you forget, since the first time you saw it in this place, at that time? Oh the joy of instant recognition! Strangers no more; nor ever were.

As for me, you will find me ever in my garden. At its centre a well – the giver of life. I will tend and prune and weed; my work will be battered by storms and droughts but life will inevitably survive and burst forth. And there will be long lazy summer days, warm October evenings, frozen days where the icicles shine like daggers in the sun and the spiders’ webs are stretched across the path like glass snowflakes. Come to me when growth is slow or seems to refuse to happen. Come to me when you thirst for knowledge of how to take things to the next stage of transformation. Do not always expect an immediate solution, for all seeds take time to germinate, some longer than others. Some need to over winter in frozen ground more than a turn or two before they emerge. Others never grow tall but are small and beautiful. Some need shade to thrive, others stretch and strain for the sun, only happy in its blinding light and warmth. The garden has room for many things, as the garden of life has room for many people. Gardens benefit from variety, from the beneficial interdependence of many species, each beautiful in their diversity. Such is your life and those of others around you.

I am Brother Marcus and you knew me once. You will discover more as we journey together. You often found me in the garden at the abbey. It was my work but also my pleasure. I found God in the soil and the face of a flower as often as I found him in the chapel. Sometimes I wondered if you knew or noticed Him at all but in my heart I was sure that He knew you and that was what mattered. You were a good man and in so many ways that is more important that being a pious one.

In your new journey all your compassion will be called upon and you will not be found lacking. To be a guide but not a leader is a challenge. To provide succour and support but then let the spirit fly free to its own reward…ah, what a calling, what a heavenly burden! Come to me in the garden when the burden seems great, when the sadness of others visits heavily upon you. It is a peaceful place; I am a quiet man. The peace of this place, the warmth of the sun, the coolness of the breeze, the richness of the loamy soil between your fingers, will sustain and comfort you.

To answer your question, the time is right. It is never wrong. Live each moment and each experience as it comes, fully and with pleasure and acceptance. All you wish to know is within your grasp but do not grasp for it. Instead, let it come gently to you, as your mind opens and the knowledge whispers itself to your heart. Like the robin who sits upon the branch, watching me work, until one fine winter’s day, seeing me pause to wipe my brow, and knowing after many months of silent companionship that I am no threat, he hops upon my hoe and sings his heart to me.

We will sing our hearts to you. Listen, listen.

Buenos noches. You are welcome in my garden whenever you wish it.

The heart

the heart

It’s often illuminating to get spirit’s perspective on something we so take for granted that we don’t think about it any more. Towards the end of 2013, I wrote with a spirit communicator about what the symbol of the heart meant to them. 

The heart – 30 November 2013

I was a doctor in what you would call the Victorian age. Our knowledge of human physiology was limited but growing. We knew where the heart was and what its function was within the body. We could not mend or remove or replace it as doctors can now – albeit still with limited success. But we thought we knew what it did. One one level we were right, on another level our knowledge was limited. And the knowledge your doctors have now is also limited.

You must be wondering why I am writing of the physical heart when the question relates to the heart as a symbol. In answer I ask you to consider this. For hundreds – some would say thousands – of years, man has known what the heart was for, its physical function within the body. Why then does man still persist in ascribing to the heart quite different functions? Why is the heart seen as the seat of the emotions – especially of love and yet also of fear, of dread? Of course this is linked to the fact that when such strong emotions are felt, the pattern of the heart’s beating alters. Your hearts beat faster when you are falling in love, when you experience passion, or fear, or dread. And yet again doctors have known for a long time the physical reason for such manifestations.

So why does this obsession with the heart continue? Why do Valentines cards bear hearts aplenty? Why do you “heart” New York? Why is this person your heart’s desire? Why are you sick at heart? Because you know what the heart looks like. You know its shape and size. It is a physical thing that is affected by your deepest feelings. It is the easy option. What is the alternative? What is the true source of such feelings – such love, hope, fear – if not the heart? Can you draw the soul? Or the ego? Or the shape of a thought?

The heart is a symbol for all those deeper places that have no shape, no substance in the way you understand substance. If you could draw the ego, give it a shape, surely that is where you would place most of your fears? If you could draw the soul, if its shape were as familiar to you, as universally recognised as that heart shape, surely that would be on the front of your Valentines card. For do you not love that person “heart and soul”? You acknowledge the truth in passing but in your human world where to see, to touch, to feel, to hear, to smell is at the ‘heart’ of every experience, the heart will maintain its place as the centre of emotion. For you can hear it beating, can feel it.

To spirit, where of course there are no physical hearts, the symbol means nothing beyond what we understand your perceptions of it to be. Our love has no shape as we have no shape, as you perceive shape to be. But our love for you is limitless, vast. Too vast for a heart to contain. The soul is shapeless and formless and defies the physics of your world. For your soul exists both within your physical body and without. It is as small as a pea and as vast as the universe. It has an unlimited capacity for love, for life, for joy and nurturing and sustaining. To attempt to draw the soul is as mind boggling as trying to draw God or the whole universe on the shell of a nut.

We understand the heart symbol and humanity’s need for it but we encourage you to think beyond it; to think beyond the need for a physical representation of your own capacity for love and joy and inner peace. You are not your heart, you are your soul – and your soul is as limitless as creation; as timeless as creation; as whole and perfect as you were, are and ever will be.

We soul you.

Magick, nature and science

John Dee performing an experiment before Elizabeth I - Henry Gillard Glindoni (188?)

John Dee performing an experiment before Elizabeth I – Henry Gillard Glindoni (188?)

I still take a monthly class in writing with spirit – it’s good discipline! One day in Spring 2013, my teacher asked me to pick a word at random from a book and write with a communicator who was inspired by it. The word I picked was ‘mermaids’ and I was excited by how strongly the personality of this communicator came through; clearly someone who had had a life at the time of the industrial revolution, it seemed to me.

Months later, the same teacher asked me to write with a well-known communicator for the first time. I’m not one for channeling famous people and I was reluctant – but I’m very glad she insisted. I picked Dr John Dee and again, his personality came through strongly in the writing, as did his sense of humour!

Sifting through my writing a year later, to select pieces for this blog, it struck me that the similarity in their views on magic, nature and science is remarkable. Are they two souls who incarnated three centuries apart?  Or might they be the same personality?

Mermaids – 25 May 2013

Mermaids – once dreamed of, once scorned. Flowing through the imaginations of sailors who traversed the globe and of those poor souls whose petty lives were contained in a thimble.

Man creates illusions to satisfy his soul’s wanderlust. But where do the ideas come from? From deep in his soul, his unconscious mind. And there is the truth. Never allow the smoke and soot of reality to choke the air and ether of possibility. For some that would be called magic. For others it is the process of creativity. No spells, just the freedom of thought. The power of the mind and heart, harnessed for the good.

Do not place your heart in a cage, nor your mind in a dungeon. Distinguish between illusion and fact by tapping into your soul’s wisdom.

There are many things man has yet to understand and one of them is that magic and science are interwoven in the fabric of the world. They are just names for the creative force which expresses itself through you, even despite you. Learn to control it and you are indeed a king, though perhaps without a kingdom.

Allow for the possibility that mermaids were – are – real and the key to the magical kingdom of possibility is in your hands.

Magick – Dr John Dee, 22 October 2013

Hmm, what a curious thing the perception of magick is. How it is seen and interpreted by man in so many different ways. Since time immemorial man has feared it and coveted it. Sought to dissect and control it.

To control something so elemental, so instinctive, is nonsense – for it is at the heart of all of you. Magick is not a force to be harnessed, not an external energy. It is a life force running through you all, running through every living creature. It is to be drawn out and blended – caressed, shaped. Like the wind or the fire or the rain, if you attempt to bottle it, it changes form and loses its power.

I sought to understand magick, to work in harmony with it as a sailor works in harmony with the wind and the waves. The more I tried to reduce it to a formula, the more it eluded me. But there were many around me who would not believe in its elemental nature – who needed physical experiments and formulae on paper. I satisfied their ignorant lusts. I produced inspired texts that were so much stuff and nonsense. The real knowledge was in my heart, my mind, my very essence – as it is in yours and everyone’s.

And the irony is that when I sought to converse with the beings that understand your desire for that pleasure, that succour, that amazement better than any other…that is when I was called mad. That is when I was disgraced. Oh, the irony. I laugh at it now.

The diagrams, the formulae, the  blown glass vessels all meant nothing. The real connection to magick was in my heart and soul. That knowledge died with me because it is impossible to commit to paper.

Any man can be magickal because you are born through the magick of nature. Magick is the stuff that ignites and creates life from dust, from lifelessness. Magick is the beat of a heart, the brush of a butterfly’s wing. Magick is the quickening of the breath at the sight of a beloved. Life is to live, to move, to sing – that is magickal.

Seek not the answers in the physical world. Seek the magick within. Seek the knowledge that is already there. Do not scratch on a blackboard. Scratch gently at the layers of your soul – peel back the ignorance of obliviousness. See how magickal you are without trying.

Poof!  I disappear! (Laughs)




See the meadow not the mountain


One of the gentlest and most joyful exercises I’ve learned is to talk with, and write with, my soul. Taking a moment to deliberately listen to the calm voice inside yourself is immensely comforting.

Here’s what was written the first time I asked my soul ‘what do you need, do we need, from me right now?’


See the meadow not the mountain – 29 November 2012

Harmony and balance – meet me halfway. Stillness not inaction. Faith in me for we are one.

See the mountain for what it is – your fears. Trust in me, in us, in our ability to see the true path ahead. To traverse the wilderness which, in truth, is strewn with wild flowers; with joys and adventure beyond imagining.

Shine with me, for we are the sun. We are joy. Love yourself enough to let it be.

See the meadow, not the mountain.


If the shoe fits

If the shoe fits

One of the many things I’ve learned from working and writing with spirit is that the more familiar you grow with a particular communicator, the more straight talking they grow with you!

Here are two short pieces of writing, using the same list of words as ‘triggers’ (the communicator chooses which one(s) they want to write about). The first piece was done with an unfamiliar communicator. The second was done with Jy – one of my spirit guides whose role has always been to advise me about writing and who, by now, was also beginning to emerge as a very forthright communicator.

(The trigger words given by spirit were Band, Place, Sound, Shoe, Window, Bucket, Ape and Pain.)

Bucket – 15 November 2012

To dip the bucket too deeply into your well makes the task harder.

Take only the water you need to quench your thirst. Share what is left with others who need it. Give a little to Mother Earth to allow the flowers to grow.

Waste not from the well of life – it is always there.

Shoe and Ape – Jy, 18 November 2012

You have a saying – ‘if the shoe fits’.

Many may choose to ape the role of the spiritual man but few fill the role to perfection. The aim is to strive to be real, not perfect. To be the person you would wish to be in your heart. Not to play a role, to ape perfection, to say the words without meaning them or living the actions they dictate.

Many claim to be spiritual, but what does this mean? To each of you it is different. Aim to be true to yourself, to your hopes and dreams, to be kind to others.

The shoe that truly fits does not cause blisters on the conscience.